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Well I made this so I wouldn't be all whiny and emo and shit like on Tumblr, but I really haven't had much to say because my mind is fogged up and a lot of stuff has been happening and I feel VERY overwhelmed. I do not know why I have not had a mental breakdown or something. RL or online, there's just exorbitant amounts of stress and really that's the last thing I need with my permanent state of mind. Lately it's just been so hard to remain stable and sane and I really don't want to slip back into old habits and mindsets and slip back into a deep depression.

It's kind of weird, but I sort of miss when I was at rock bottom with my depression. At least it was familiar, no surprises. I knew where I was and that I wasn't getting out, and my moods didn't fluctuate so I didn't have false hopes and expectations. I feel half numb, half depressed. I feel some happiness but it does seem to leave quickly when reality strikes. I have to learn to stop letting insignificant things get to me. Even significant things get me worked up.

I wish I could just live by the sun and moon and follow my dreams and be surrounded by love and happiness and not have these scary bad thoughts. What I go through is scary, it really is.